Incredibly Strange Blog That Stopped Living and Became Mixed-up Movie Reviews

English director John Hough (The Legend of Hell House, Escape from Witch Mountain, Watcher in the Woods, The Incubus, Howling IV, and American Gothic) captures a bit of 70s Americana with Dirty Mary Crazy Larry, starring Peter Fonda, Susan George, Adam Roarke, Vic Morrow, Kenneth Tobey, and Roddy McDowall. Peter Fonda plays Larry, an aspiring race driver who ends up robbing a store to get cash for some wheels. Susan George tags along with no invitation, while Adam Roarke is Larry's mechanic and part of the plan. Vic Morrow and Kenneth Tobey play cops on their tail, while Roddy McDowall has a cameo as the poor robbed store manager.

This is a nice, natural, realistic-looking film that keeps your interest. The car chases, and apparently stunts, were all done at speed and look really good. The acting is competent, and the actors add a lot to their pretty basic characters. It's a car-chase movie, and it that sense it definitely doesn't disappoint.



Tagline: No one's faster than Crazy Larry, except Dirty Mary!

Highlights: The stunts/driving; the redneck cop who's "top end is un-limited!"; nice look, pace, and scope of the film (it was pretty good all around); the ending.

Most Haunted is a British TV show that now airs in the US on the Travel Channel. The basic premise involves the crew of the show investigating different supposedly haunted locations, usually in the UK. The crew includes the host, Yvette, and various crew members, almost always including a psychic and a somewhat skeptical parapsychologist, along with the crew that actually films and directs the show. There's a basic formula: part 1, the introduction; part 2, the psychic walk-through; part 3, sitting in the dark waiting for stuff to happen; and part 4, some strange events plus a conclusion where some of the crew talk about how they really believe the place was haunted and a parapsychologist or two temper that with "well, maybe."

Most of the Internet discussion about the show seems to center around whether or not everything's legit, but it doesn't really matter to me one way or the other. I'm pretty skeptical, but this show is enjoyable just to see both the psychics ham it up and the crew scare themselves out of their minds. My favorite episodes so far were fairly recent, a two-part investigation of the Queen Mary where wet footsteps were found around the pool area. Whether you believe or not, many of the situations can be pretty creepy, while others are just funny. I find myself waiting for some strange noise to make members of the crew scream and go nuts.

The show has gone through six series in the UK. The first was a half-hour, but later seasons expanded to an hour. There's also Most Haunted Unseen (the first season episodes edited with extra footage to an hour), Most Haunted Extra (a half-hour bonus-footage show), Most Haunted Live (long special events on Halloween and the like), Most Haunted Almost Live (a highlight show of the live episodes), and Celebrity Most Haunted (where a "celebrity" will accompany them on an investigation).

The closest American show would probably be Ghost Hunters on the SciFi Channel (Wednesdays at 9pm), where they are much more skeptical and less easy to frighten. I can't decide which one is really "best," although Most Haunted is quite entertaining and worth a look if you get a chance. Just don't take it too seriously. It comes on Friday nights at 9pm on the Travel Channel.



Tagline: None that I know of.

Highlights: I guess when really creepy stuff happens, the crew go nuts, or when the psychics become "possessed" by evil spirits!

Unhinged is an early 80's slasher filmed in Oregon by Oregonians. I personally love slasher movies, especially those from the early 80's, but this one was pretty horrible. Even though they filmed in a mansion and had access to a helicopter, the filmmakers came up with an extremely boring film that was actually categorized as a "video nastie" is England. I have no idea why, because the gore was pretty tame and definitely not creative.

The DVD makers apparently understood that this movie was a pretty steamy one and put on some cheezy extras like a local morning show interview with a star and the director, and a "comedy commentary" by a seemingly pretty random group of people (including the guy who does the "Too Much Coffee Man" comic). I watched the movie first, so I really couldn't stomach sitting through the entire thing again for the commentary. However, I would recommend, if you just have to see it, to just watch the film with the comedy commentary. It will probably be a little less boring, even if you can't hear the film very well in the background (it won't make much difference and probably helps).

There is a twist ending that is reminiscent of a more well known early 80's slasher that was made slightly after this one (I don't think it was intentionally copied), but you can pretty much see it coming.



Tagline: Get your slice from the reaper. Violence beyond reason, Victums beyond help.

Highlights: It would probably be fun to watch this with a bunch of drunk friends. The DVD extras redeem the film a tiny bit. The main girl does do exactly what she should do once she finds the "gallery of dead people," which doesn't really fit with the crappiness of the rest of the film, so that was nice.

Directed by Rick Bota, this is another entry in his horrible run on the Hellraiser series. Pretty much doomed since the great Hellbound: Hellraiser II, the series has been slowly strangled to death by an apparent lack of understanding about what people liked about the first two. Bota's films actually have a lot in common with the first Hellraiser, which in itself is actually pretty slow-moving and devoid of Cenobite action. The first Hellraiser had a new concept and some awesome scenes, though, whereas Bota's generally just have a few interesting scenes hidden in absolute boredom. Personally, I think the Hellraiser series should be looking to Hellbound in terms of direction, while dropping the adult and stuffy trend of late. The use of CGI effects in these movies needs to end as well. I can't recommend this movie at all.


 

Tagline: The Latest, Most Terrifying Evil.

Highlights: Pinhead, although he's a little cheesy here. The seedy subway car was perhaps the best part in terms of imagery.

Dead Birds concerns a group of Civil War deserters who commit a crime and end up holing up in an old, abandoned plantation house. The setting's new, but the basic scenario has been done before. This time they slowly discover that the house is very haunted, and then things really start to go south. Despite the somewhat worn premise, the scares are actually there, and so is the atmosphere. The acting and direction are very competent; the script is perhaps the weakest part, although it does have a creepy backstory that redeems it somewhat. Unfortunately, the ending, plot-wise, was a bit weak as well.

Henry Thomas and Isaiah Washington do a great job, as does the entire cast. The plantation house is genuinely creepy on its own, but the direction and some of the situations really bring that out. The true scares can make you jump a little even if you're expecting them, so I'd say that they work. Although there is really a lot wrong with the movie, there's enough good to make it worth a watch.


 

Tagline: There are worse things than dying.

Highlights: The creepy house and the good scares. The acting, cinematography, and effects were all good for the obviously pretty low budget.

Directed by Robert Fuest (The Abominable Dr. Phibes, The Devil's Rain), And Soon the Darkness is a thriller about two English girls who, when biking through France, split up after an argument over the pace of the trip. When the girl who stayed behind didn't catch up at the next town, the other begins to search for her. This stretch of road in France is filled with strange characters, and, of course, nothing is what it seems.

Sometimes the characters can be a bit irritating in what they do or don't do, but the movie is interesting as a mystery and sometimes pretty suspenseful. The acting is good enough to make you forget about it, and the cinematography is very nice and supports the story very well.


 

Tagline: None found.

Highlights: All the crazy French characters. The way the language barrier was used to great effect. Some suspenseful moments.

Dead Meat is a zombie movie about a new form of mad cow disease that turns cows, and then humans, into zombies. A girl ends up escaping from her newly zombified boyfriend, only to meat up with a local undertaker and some other people who are trying to find a way out of the infected areas. Basically, they make their way across the countryside to a supposed safe haven, encountering zombie people and even one zombie cow.

The best part about the movie is that the gore is outrageous, even if it's not 100% realistic or all that plentiful. You can tell from the short included on the DVD that the director, Conor McMahon, is one twisted puppy, and given a bigger budget I think he would do a great balls-out zombie gore film. As it stands, this is definitely not the best zombie film ever made but it stands out.


 

Tagline: It's not what you eat, it's who you eat!

Highlights: Very nice cinematography, fun gore, and a basic but sometimes surprising zombie-movie plot

It's Friday, so here are mini-reviews of each Friday the 13th film.

Friday the 13th (1980) The first definitely relies on a little more mystery than the following films; even Jason is a mysterious child that could be dead, a dream, or "still out there." Although naturally these films can be a little silly, the first has a somewhat realistic feel, perhaps owing simply to the location and the lack of polish. Mother's Day was filming across the lake when this one was.

Friday the 13th Part 2 (1981) Five years later on in the story, Jason is revealed to be an adult killer who wears a burlap sack on his head and likes pitchforks. The story is fairly well thought-out for one of these films, and, although the resolution is a little cheezy, the shrine to Pamela Voorhees is at least quite memorable. Decent scares abound as well, and the characters aren't as ridiculously stupid as you might expect.

Friday the 13th Part 3: 3-D (1982) Part 3 takes place immediately after the events of Part 2 at another location on Crystal Lake, a house with a barn. Some kids visit and miss out on all of the news about the massacre at "Camp Blood." Much of this movie is tempered by the lack of 3-D; it's definitely entertaining, but it's not really very scary, perhaps due to some obvious setups. There's a bit of camp and humor, though, and the infamous hockey mask makes its debut.

Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter (1984) The "end" takes place immediately after Part 3 when Jason is taken to the morgue. In short order, he's terrorizing two houses on the lake, one occupied by a family and one by some teens. Crispin
Glover, Corey Feldman, and the guy from The Powers of Matthew Starr give the film extra appeal, but it's also a pretty good horror film that mixes the horror and humor fairly well. Directed by Joseph Zito (The Prowler).




Friday the 13th: A New Beginning (1985) Jason's not really in this one, but his outfit is (and perhaps his spirit). Also, Tommy returns, but he's a mute teenager with American Ninja skills when he gets angry. He's found himself in a home for troubled teens in the woods around Crystal Lake, although the lake is apparently missing. There's a lot of camp humor and wackiness in this one. The body count was the highest for at least the first eight films, and, although many kills were cut out of the film, making it a bit disjointed, it remains entertaining.

Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives (1986) He's back! The man behind the mask! The fans wanted Jason, so they got him. Tommy, played by a different actor (the third to play the character), and assisted by Rorschach from Welcome Back, Kotter, try to kill Jason's spirit once and for all but accidentally reanimate him. Jason starts killing again, and this time he seems a bit more powerful, more unstoppable, more zombie-like. Some more of the supernatural is added to the mix, and we finally see a camp with counselors again, one that actually has children attending. It's more professional and a very entertaining entry, although much of the backwoods charm of pervious entries has vanished.

Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood (1987) Jason vs. Carrie! This one is basically set up like The Final Chapter but with a telekinetic girl involved. The make-up and effects are great and save the film, but the plot and the rest of it are only interesting if you missed Part 4. This one also has a bit of Jason walking faster than people running, which is always weak. The evil doctor really steals the show, and you can't wait for him, and most of the other characters, to bite it in horribly disgusting ways.

Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan (1989) AKA Jason Takes a Cruise to Manhattan. The absolute worst of the series by far. In an attempt to keep the movie from being a retread of previous entries, Jason's environment is changed to a boat and, for a brief time, New York City (mainly Vancouver as a stand-in). Jason also makes frequent use of teleportation, and the kills come off as more silly than cool or even gross. Attempts at backstory and resolution fail miserably and really leave the fans out in the cold.

Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday (1993) After a four year hiatus, the FBI get onto this Jason thing and destroy him at Crystal Lake. His heart and soul live on, though, possessing people one at a time through a weird demon. He has to search for his previously unknown relatives so that he can be reborn through one of them. The cast, although mostly minor players, does a good job, and the movie is filled with homages to other horror and action flicks. Although the concept is pretty lame and Jason is absent for much of the film, the gore is creative, and the teenagers have learned to fight back. The lake and camp are also fairly absent; much of it takes place in the town of Crystal Lake (renamed Forest Green in Part 6 to avoid publicity, they now sell Jason burgers and capitalize on the Jason legend).

Jason X (2001) Jason in Space. The script for this film was very funny and filled with some pretty dark and borderline offensive humor, but much of it was lost in the film, which has many elements taken from "Aliens" (writer Todd Farmer is an admitted fan). That said, for Jason in Space, it could have been much worse. That said, considering the script, it could have been much better. There are definitely many good moments, including Jason's hologram experience. Of course, it's in the far future, so the series goes back in time for the next one.

Freddy vs. Jason (2003) In serious development hell for well over ten years, this went through many, many scripts and iterations before it finally came together in 2003 with director Ronny Yu. New Line was right to wait, as previous scripts had trouble tackling the essential problem of how to get Freddy and Jason together while simultaneously making a film that would please fans of either film. The result is a creative mix that takes great, essential elements from each series and combines them into a decent plot with some extreme gore and sick humor. Although it's good, it's not a 100% Jason film or a 100% Freddy film, so it has a tendency to disappoint on some level.

The Future of Jason Many rumors have floated around the Internet, including one that Quentin Tarantino would direct The Ultimate Jason Voorhees Movie, but nothing is certain as of yet for what's next in Jason's killing career. The next one would be the 12th entry, and you have to hope they're at least planning something special for the 13th. They've nearly missed the entire 25th anniversary of the first film while barely exploiting it, so they may simply be at a loss for ideas. Besides doing the "ultimate" film, FvJ 2 would be the next mile on a dead-end road, and a simple continuation of Jason killing in the woods might seem like beating a dead horse (although I'd see it). Changing his environment is a risky proposition that hasn't worked very well in the past, so just about all that's left is a remake or, as I'd prefer, an "ultimate"-type of film that wouldn't have to simply be a remake but could draw on the lost and forgotten characters and mythos of the series. Besides, a remake of Part 1 wouldn't have much Jason, so some type of combination with later entries would have to happen for even a remake to work.




The Obligatory Ranking:
#01 - Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter [Part 4]
#02 - Friday the 13th, Part 2
#03 - Friday the 13th
#04 - Friday the 13th, Part VI: Jason Lives
#05 - Freddy vs. Jason [Part 11]
#06 - Friday the 13th, Part VII: The New Blood
#07 - Friday the 13th: A New Beginning [Part 5]
#08 - Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday [Part 9]
#09 - Friday the 13th, Part 3-D
#10 - Jason X [Part 10]
#11 - Friday the 13th, Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan

AKA Creepers; Creeps; Angst. Bloody Birthday concerns three children who were born on the same day during a solar eclipse, an event that left them all without consciences. Approaching their tenth birthday, the little brats become malicious killers. They end up killing adults and kids alike, and although it's a fairly low budget cheapie, it's fun to watch. The filmmakers found lots of ways to make it possible for kids to kill and be a threat without be taken out so easily (usually involves range weapons and the element of surprise) or discovered by the cops. Kids are trapped in refrigerators in the junkyard, people are shot by the kids with guns or arrows, the kids peep on the evil girl's older sister (played by comedian Julie Brown before MTV), etc., etc. They're just rotten and sneaky and bad. This movie is certainly not for all tastes; if you don't appreciate bad taste for the shock value, then stay far away. Teenagers with little brothers or sisters should keep this away from their siblings who might see the film and get ideas.


 

Tagline: The nightmare begins with the kids next door.

Highlights: The utter evil of the three bad kids. When they get theirs in the end (mostly). José Ferrer and Susan Strasberg in small roles. Lots of faces recognizable from 80s movies and TV series.

AKA Ying zhao tie bu shan. Chow Lu Fung (John Liu) is framed for murder by his nemesis, Minister Cheng, who knows the Iron Armor kung fu technique, which makes him virtually invulnerable except for a weak spot somewhere on his body. Chow escapes and hides out in the home of a teenage boy and his older sister. Luckily for Chow, the boy knows the Iron Armor kung fu technique passed on to him from his grandfather, as well as the Iron Finger technique, which can be used against Iron Armor. Chow must defeat Cheng, also a master in Eagle's Claw, all while being pursued by bounty hunters who want his head for the reward. According to IMDB, The music for this film was stolen from the spaghetti Western Days of Anger (1967), and it's very nice for the film.


 

Tagline: [unknown]

Highlights: The fights are very good, fluid, and easy to follow. Teenagers that know kung fu are also cool, even when they pop up unexpectedly. The Iron Armor/Finger concept and the funny dialogue that sometimes surrounds it. The music, although stolen, is perhaps more perfect for kung fu duels than Western ones.

Bruce Brown, the maker of Endless Summer, explains motorcycle sport to the layman in this somewhat dated but still very interesting documentary. The groovy, feel-good soundtrack and the very positive narrator almost make it feel like a film you might have been forced to sit through in middle school, but when the motorcycles start racing, it's hard not to be drawn in. Motorcycling and motorcycle sports are given a complete review, but the film seems to concentrate more on what the enthusiasts like about it, as well as what makes it unique. The massive variation in competitions is very interesting, and there are several stunning stunts as well as crashes. I've never driven a motorcycle, but this took me back to dirtbikes and go-carts and how much fun those could be, even when they were a little dangerous. This isn't Errol Morris-type stuff, but it fulfills its purpose as a documentary without a doubt. Steve McQueen financed the film and also stars; he was a motorcycle enthusiast and respected rider at the time.


 

Tagline: Take a trip at 265 mph.

Highlights: Steve McQueen, of course. The "trials" competitions. The crazy soundtrack.

AKA Road Games. Stacy Keach stars as Quid, a trucker in a pretty barren Australian landscape, delivering some meat to Perth or somewhere like that. He's joined by his dog, and eventually the cast expands with a hitchhiker played by Jamie Lee Curtis and a maniac in a van played by Grant Page. The plot is basically Rear Window on the open road, and director Richard Franklin (Patrick, Psycho II, Cloak & Dagger) is an open Hitchcock fan. In fact, he got the job to direct Psycho II based on this film. The movie pulls off the concept extremely well and manages to be engaging throughout; there are even some moments of genuine suspense. Franklin uses the road, the truck, the dog, and everything available to him to full effect, and it all works very well.

One thing: this film was made after Halloween, The Fog, Prom Night, and Terror Train, and just before Halloween II, but it's a straightforward thriller and not one of the scream queen's slasher films (and technically The Fog isn't either).


 

Tagline: The truck driver plays games. The hitchhiker plays games. And the killer is playing the deadliest game of all!

Hightlights: The triple-ending. Jamie Lee Curtis and Stacy Keach do a great job, even though Jamie Lee is really only in one small part of the film. The fact that the finale takes place at the destination rather than still out on the open road.

AKA La Campana del Infierno. First off, this movie was mainly directed by a guy named Claudio Guerin (sometimes called Claudio Guerin Hill). He fell or jumped from the belltower featured in the film on the final day of shooting and was killed. All post-production chores were handled by Juan Antonio Bardem, the uncle of Javier Bardem. Besides the trivia, this film has a lot to offer. Basically, a young man is released from an asylum and returns to his estate, once again meeting his aunt and three female cousins. The aunt and one of the cousins had him committed for reasons that are later explained, and he's back to get his calculated revenge. The film actually enters some philosophical territory about the real vs. the fake and has some questions about morality. It definitely shows how the main guy has lost all sense or morality, but, well, he's not the only one. There's a bunch of real footage from a slaughterhouse (it appears that the main actor killed one cow), some gore (which turns out to be fake), some incest, and even some incestuous rape (which isn't very graphic but that doesn't make it pleasant). The movie is really more of a thriller than a straight-forward revenge movie, and there are plenty of fun twists.


 

Tagline (from Pathfinder DVD): Who will escape the terror?

Highlights: The fake gore involving eyeballs. The aunt when she reemerges after an apparent death. The makeshift slaughterhouse the main guy made in his basement for the girls. The themes running throughout, which were actually pretty interesting.